Veracity

Sometimes, I feel I'm too honest and I really need to keep my mouth shut. What some would view as a good quality is bad for me. I unintentionally offend, piss people off or hurt their feelings. Same goes with my humor. Once again, I have that feeling like I can never win or please anyone. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I would love to be a different person. I'm such a tool. :(

Indulgence

Trying to think of something to do for New years. Not much luck though. :( Nothing sounds that great,too expensive or far away. I usually spend my New years at home; my cousins come over and we play video games and drink. Except last year, I went out with my other cousin and her husband and friend. They decided to tell everyone at their friend's party that it was my birthday, so it was embarrassing everyone wishing me happy birthday and it wasn't. So, yeah its usually pretty lame. I've never had a new years kiss either. Christmas was pretty good. My parents gave me some stuff i needed and my my boyfriend gave me cool presents. He actually got me things that are me and that I'd like. I really hate when people put no thought into presents and get you something where you're like..wtf? ok.. lol

wow, My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. Crazy. It seems really fast and along time at the same time. It's been pretty great though. So far, I think its the best relationship I've had. It's nice having someone care and do a lot for you and be respectful of you! Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up because of things i say and do. :( IDK...I feel stupid sometimes. umm not sure what else to say. I thought I could write a lot but apparently not. haha. anyway guess I'll go and think of something awesome to write tomorrow. I'm sure I'll have something awesome at the end of the week but I probably cant talk about it. ;)

xoxox

Cherry

Ignoramus

Sometimes I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. It seems I ALWAYS say and do the wrong things to everyone. No wonder why people hate me. I'm socially retarded. I think I'm funny or doing the right thing and I'm more likely then not, not. I think I deserve to be alone and away from human contact. Why is it so hard to not fuck up? God, I feel like I'm a waste of creation. My whole life is a fuck up. I feel utterly worthless.Will anyone ever get me and understand me?

I guess Thats another thing I need to work on next year. Stop being funny and stop using social networking sites.Stop inserting foot in mouth! I totally see myself being lonely and pathetic my whole life. If I make it that long.

I'm feeling like an asshole today due to 3 fucked up emails about how I'm such a bad person. Can someone please help me? What do i do wrong? I try so fucking hard to get along and please everyone which is alway an epic fail. :( I can never win.

Sometimes I just want to cry or maybe its just the alcohol. Either way.

Libidinous

Christmas ended up not being so bad. Visited my grandma at the cemetery and saw my boyfriend for a little bit. So glad when this shitty year is over. Looking forward to moving asap, working and starting school. I really hope something good is in my future.

I have so many emotions right now. I don't know what to do with myself. I need to get out of here, even a few days. I need a change of scenery and clear my head. I wish I could go on vacation.

Think I'll spend the rest of my night watching tv and planing a date.

I'll leave you with this. Yay Pockets! Boo Tight pants!

Callous

At some point people need to grow the fuck up. Why do people love drama so much? I cant take anymore. I'm going to have mental breakdown if I get into one more argument or fight. So sick of people acting nice to me and stabbing me in the back and shit talking. Do people ever grow out of that behavior? I honestly just wanna be left alone. No bullshit, No drama. I just wanna get along with people and be happy. It's fucking Christmas drop your petty bullshit and grow up and show some respect for yourself and your family. Merry Christmas.

Schön

Despite feeling kinda sick this morning. I feel really good today. I had a great day yesterday. Sometimes, I feel that things are going to work out and be fine. I really, really hope so. Right now only one person can make me happy. I feel so thankful. Right now my heart is full of love and I feel good. I wish I could feel this way everyday. There is nothing I want more right now then a hug and snuggle with someone special.

Capricious

Today is much better. I got more sleep then usual last night and had a talk and feel better. Also, got a package from my parents so it was a decent day. Really hoping for something good to happen soon. I really want to be better in many ways. Next year I'm gonna really try to better myself and be happy no matter what. My darkness that I've managed to repress for several years is emerging again and I hate it. I've been told to mediate. That might help for a short period of time but I don't see that being helpful. I Dont want therapy again..waste of money. I'm opposed to being medicated. I really don't know...

Lurid

Where to start... With all of my stress and depression lately. I have a lot of built up shit. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I feel kinda bad, last night I called my parents to ask a quick question. It turns into a hour long call with my dad. Whenever I talk to him he ever lets me get a word in and he always interrupts me or turns the convo on himself...anyway, I decided to tell him shit going on with me and about how I'm feeling depressed lately and how they always ignored my depression when I was a kid. I end up getting really upset and angry then broke down crying. It really sucked.

I feel really down today and from stressing myself out, my stomach is all messed up today and I didn't sleep last night.

I really need some good shit to start happening.

Lacuna

Today is one of those days where something doesn't seem right. I woke up in a cloud of negative energy. I cant put my finger on it but I hope it passes. I don't like this distressed feeling. Just listening to music and trying to change my mind frame. There is something I want to do today. Guess I should get on it.

I need to get out of my house today...

Breath...

Nothing new to really say. Still feel about the same. Still stressed about bills and moving :( But I feel so lucky to have my boyfriend right now. He's a really great person. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm feeling kinda sad about the holidays. I don't have any money to buy anyone presents. I was talking to my dad the other day and he sounded kind bothered about me not going to visit them. I just feel like an ass, having them buy me a ticket when they are broke and my mom might also be coming down here next month. Once again I always make the wrong decisions.

I feel like doing something really peaceful and relaxing..not sure.

One of those days

Today started off decent. Woke up with my dog cuddling me and wanting to get pet. I try to keep to myself and I stay in my room all the time. I just feel like I cant get away from shit. It seems everyone has a problem with me and wants to cause drama and ignoring it is making it worse :( I really give up. I can't make anyone happy and I always say and do the wrong things. I just feel like a big loser right now. I'm getting hassled by the credit card people. I'm starting to stress out about my bills and finding a place to move. I need to find a cheap apartment asap...I need to get the fuck out of here! Tomorrow come faster!

There's hope

I had an amazing night, last night. I had a talk and expressed my feelings. I feel a lot better about things. I'm so thankful for my boyfriend right now. He's so caring, understanding and sweet. I'm really hoping life will get better soon. I need to move and start school and plan for my future. I need to start taking life more seriously and also not try to stress about things.. I'm going through a transformation right now and changing my whole life and myself in a good way.

I'm excited what the future will bring. I'm feeling very optimistic and cheerful today.

One thing i'm stressing about is Christmas. I so wanna give a couple small gifts but I'm broke. Trying to think of something to do.

Blogging cherry

I've never had a blog before so I'm not sure what to say. I'm not a very interesting person either so I doubt people will read this anyway :) I'll think of something totally awesome to write about though. I'm just sitting hear listening to music/getting ready for my day. My boyfriend will pick me up later this afternoon to hang out. Not sure what we are doing. Starbucks maybe.

I can't believe how cold its getting. I've been freezing! I've been spending my last 2 nights having a L word marathon with hot cocoa.

I guess I'm gonna go for now.